Tears of Sorrow ... and Thanksgiving

      I sat with my patient husband and grieved.  My heart ached, and I hadn't seen it coming.  Having them home for the first time since August, these two freshly grown young adults, had flooded my heart with emotions of gratitude and wonder -- the same feelings I'd experienced in the delivery room 20 years earlier. I still cannot believe that the Lord entrusted me with these two precious beings, made in His image.  But when they left again tonight, after only four days at home, it felt like more than I could bear. To have them, to love them so, and then for it to be over. To be without them. Again. The pain, so real, demands to be acknowledged, accepted -- and finally, reluctantly, embraced as the price of all the joy that has been my life for the past 20 years.  I wouldn't change any of it. If I had not enjoyed my children so thoroughly and poured into them so fervently, I wouldn't feel this huge gaping hole in my chest. Thank you, God, for every single minute. And I trust You to use this pain for your good purpose, whatever that may be.

Family Promises

"You have given me the heritage of those who fear your name." (Psalm 61:5)

This past week, I tore my heart out and left it in the middle of New York City. Both of my children will be attending The King's College there. The pain is overwhelming at times, but the Lord has been good to remind me that this is what we have been working toward. By God's grace, they have been well-prepared, and this school is the next logical step in their spiritual and emotional growth. They will be taught even more explicitly what we have attempted in our flawed way to pass on: Don't just recognize and resent sin; fight it wherever you see it, in yourself and in the world.

The last I saw of John, our little Schmoo, he was walking down the stairs into a subway station. That was a hard goodbye. The last we saw of Leah, our sunny Le-Le Bird, she was waving from halfway behind her apartment door, eager to bond more with her roommate. That was a hard goodbye.

And yet, I know that have delivered them to trusted "family." This college is run by those who fear the name of the Lord and who understand that pleasing Him is what matters. I thank you, Lord, that this is my family too and that You are our Father. You have promised all of your children: "I will make an everlasting covenant with them. I will never stop doing good to them, and I wil inspire them to fear me so that they will never turn away from me." (Jer. 32:40)

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Spurgeon on Wisdom

"He that handleth a matter wisely shall find good: and whoso trusteth in the Lord, happy is he."Proverbs 16:20

      Wisdom is man's true strength; and, under its guidance, he best accomplishes the ends of his being. Wisely handling the matter of life gives to man the richest enjoyment, and presents the noblest occupation for his powers; hence by it he finds good in the fullest sense. Without wisdom, man is as the wild ass's colt, running hither and thither, wasting strength which might be profitably employed. Wisdom is the compass by which man is to steer across the trackless waste of life; without it he is a derelict vessel, the sport of winds and waves. A man must be prudent in such a world as this, or he will find no good, but be betrayed into unnumbered ills. The pilgrim will sorely wound his feet among the briers of the wood of life if he do not pick his steps with the utmost caution. He who is in a wilderness infested with robber bands must handle matters wisely if he would journey safely. If, trained by the Great Teacher, we follow where he leads, we shall find good, even while in this dark abode; there are celestial fruits to be gathered this side of Eden's bowers, and songs of paradise to be sung amid the groves of earth. But where shall this wisdom be found? Many have dreamed of it, but have not possessed it. Where shall we learn it? Let us listen to the voice of the Lord, for he hath declared the secret; he hath revealed to the sons of men wherein true wisdom lieth, and we have it in the text, "Whoso trusteth in the Lord, happy is he." The true way to handle a matter wisely is to trust in the Lord. This is the sure clue to the most intricate labyrinths of life; follow it and find eternal bliss. He who trusts in the Lord has a diploma for wisdom granted by inspiration: happy is he now, and happier shall he be above. Lord, in this sweet eventide walk with me in the garden, and teach me the wisdom of faith.

Giving God the Credit

     Although we are engaged in a minor battle right now, the Lord has caused it to be faith-building rather than torturous.  Here's what he has done, so far:

      At 2 p.m. on Tuesday (college decision deadline day), The King's College registrar requested a great deal of additional documentation regarding the transfer of John's credits from Patrick Henry College.  I had to keep praying and preaching to myself that the Lord had ordained these circumstances -- He could have made it go easily, and He said that this was a better way. I knew that we would just have to put our heads down and push to get all the documentation King's wanted as quickly as possible and pray that Patrick Henry  would be willing to hold John Jr.'s spot until we could make an educated decision. I've been reading a book to the Stone kids, "The Door in the Wall," and one of the themes is that when obstacles block you in like an immovable wall, press on until you come to the door -- there's always a door. We know God's character, and He didn't put the obstacles there to torture us but to benefit us.

      Here is what the Lord did as we pressed on: He gave us favor with the Patrick Henry admissions counselor, who said we could take a few extra days, and he added some encouraging words about our son. He showed us the grace of Christ when we most needed it.


       Then we had to make phone calls to his Patrick Henry professors. Again, the ones I talked to were so helpful, cooperative, godly and so clearly FOR the students they were teaching. I was so thankful to know there are professors out there who care deeply and have an urgency to help the next generation to think biblically and to see clearly through the modern and postmodern haze.  I also got to hear some more encouraging words about our boy.

     In reviewing John Jr.'s courses and thinking about the content, I also began to realize that the Lord has put together a unique and excellent educational program for him. Who gets to have so much of Patrick Henry and then possibly so much of King's on top of that?   Whether it is tabulated as "credit" or not, no one can take away the wisdom and knowledge that he has gained in these courses. And so what if he graduates with more than the required 120 credits?  How blessed to have had the opportunity to learn more, rather than just the normal amount! We have always said that we are first and foremost about ensuring that our kids get a good education, as we define that before God -- not with just jumping through hoops to earn a degree. Both of our kids earned way more high school credits than were required, and I never thought that was a waste. 

     At the end of the day Tuesday, John Jr. had tracked down a lot of the information that we needed and we had been able to contact most of the professors from whom we needed documentation -- only God could have gotten us to that point so quickly!  We still lacked a couple of items, but we were much farther along than ever seemed possible when we first looked at that form. 

   

     As we sat and talked as a family that night, it began to dawn on me:  We really do think that King's is the better fit for John Jr., even if he has to return to the same living situation he was in before. With Leah there, it just makes sense for him to go there. This trial clarified our minds about the choice. Another blessing.

     And, finally, my husband and my son have both  praised me several times for handling this.  John Jr. has thanked me many times over.  And I have to admit: their praise and thanks blesses me so much -- I want to serve my family well and have them feel taken care of.  But I want to be very careful not to start thinking it rests on me.  I know how powerless I am in this situation.  All I can do is press on, pray and trust that God has a plan that will be for the good of my family and my son.

       "To you the helpless commits himself." (Psalm 10:14)