I love Mother's Day because I love being a mom. This year, my family didn't do their traditional breakfast in bed, since we decided that none of us wanted to get up that early. Instead, we did breakfast on the couch at midnight. (Breakfast always consists of a cup of coffee with my favorite Krispy Kreme donut -- chocolate on top and white cream in the middle. I only eat them on Mother's Day and my birthday.) But my kids did still make cards, with notes inside. John has taught them well that you don't just sign a card -- you write a note. I hope they never stop doing that. Their notes are my most precious gifts, encouraging me in a way nothing else ever could. My son thanked me for spurring him to godliness, Leah called me her mother and friend. These words I store away in my heart as treasures.
I still remember looking at my babies in wonder that God would give me such a precious trust. How honored and humbled I felt to be the one they depended on for love and discipline. My heart was full because I knew this was my life's work -- I had been born to be their Mommy. My fierce but foolish love determined that I would be the perfect mom and they would be perfect children -- or I would die trying. And indeed I have died. Many times. How self-exalting and vainly ambitious to set such a ridiculous goal in the first place. No job is better suited than motherhood to battling these very sins.
My love is as fierce for my children today as the hour I first held them, even though long ago it became evident that perfection was out of the question for either of us. I realize that that is not a cause for sorrow. Our imperfections rub against each other and scrape off the self-centeredness here, the pride there, the independence from God in other places. My children force me to see myself as I really am -- and I am accountable to do that and so much more for them.
When the dust settles from this Divine work, we will face Him as He is, we will have the likeness of the humble servant, who for the joy set before Him, endured the cross scorning its shame. I can only say I am so thankful for these unique children -- John, our strong lover of all that is just and logical; Leah, our dreamy songbird, just drifting along. At times the work is wearisome, and I am tempted to let up. At other times the joy is sweet, as I see glimpses of what by faith they are becoming. Together we pursue Holiness in a way only God could orchestrate.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Uniting Church and Home
I just finished a book John bought called Uniting Church and Home by Eric Wallace. It corresponds with an issue that has concerned us for the past few years: Are we ministering in a way that is biblical, and, therefore, most effective, rather than just doing what most churches do nowadays?
This book advocates making disciples by nurturing households and organic relationships rather than the typical church "programs". The author does a good job of laying out the problems created by fragmenting families into different age groups for church activities and keeping families so busy with church they have extremely limited time for one-on-one intimacy with believers or unbelievers. He also lays out the benefits of ministering to households rather than individuals, training fathers to lead and having older, mature households "adopt" singles or single-parent households.
When it came to the how-to's of actually doing this in our culture, he was again very good at laying out a plan -- the problem was I wasn't totally convinced of his plan. He suggests starting with one Sunday School class that is age-integrated and focuses its lessons on how to apply doctrine as a family, with families taking turns teaching. My hesitation with what he was proposing was that the class as he described it sounded rather lame. I found myself wondering how this would really work. We have men that God has greatly gifted to teach His Word. They are a gift to the body of Christ and I want to -- need to -- hear from them. The age-integrated classes, as he described them, featured a rotation of families as teachers (he encouraged even letting the children teach). I can't imagine this class would not be of the dumbed-down, "pool your ignorance" style, with the practical side way out of balance.
This book raised my hopes for a better way to disciple and evangelize and extend God's Kingdom here, but its solutions did not end up totally satisfying. But, to its credit, the book has my mind churning with ideas.
This book advocates making disciples by nurturing households and organic relationships rather than the typical church "programs". The author does a good job of laying out the problems created by fragmenting families into different age groups for church activities and keeping families so busy with church they have extremely limited time for one-on-one intimacy with believers or unbelievers. He also lays out the benefits of ministering to households rather than individuals, training fathers to lead and having older, mature households "adopt" singles or single-parent households.
When it came to the how-to's of actually doing this in our culture, he was again very good at laying out a plan -- the problem was I wasn't totally convinced of his plan. He suggests starting with one Sunday School class that is age-integrated and focuses its lessons on how to apply doctrine as a family, with families taking turns teaching. My hesitation with what he was proposing was that the class as he described it sounded rather lame. I found myself wondering how this would really work. We have men that God has greatly gifted to teach His Word. They are a gift to the body of Christ and I want to -- need to -- hear from them. The age-integrated classes, as he described them, featured a rotation of families as teachers (he encouraged even letting the children teach). I can't imagine this class would not be of the dumbed-down, "pool your ignorance" style, with the practical side way out of balance.
This book raised my hopes for a better way to disciple and evangelize and extend God's Kingdom here, but its solutions did not end up totally satisfying. But, to its credit, the book has my mind churning with ideas.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Flirting: Rage for Admiration
This passage from Pride and Prejudice is an apt summary of flirtatious behavior. Jane Austen truly was an astute observer of the sinful heart.
"Excuse me -- for I must speak plainly. If you,[her] dear father, will not take the trouble of checking her exuberant spirits and of teaching her that her present pursuits are not to be the business of her life, she will soon be beyond the reach of amendment. Her character will be fixed, and she will, at sixteen, be the most determined flirt that ever made herself and her family ridiculous. A flirt too, in the worst and meanest degree of flirtation; without any attraction beyond youth and a tolerable person; and from the ignorance and emptiness of her mind, wholly unable to ward off any portion of that universal contempt which her rage for admiration will excite."
-- From Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
"Excuse me -- for I must speak plainly. If you,[her] dear father, will not take the trouble of checking her exuberant spirits and of teaching her that her present pursuits are not to be the business of her life, she will soon be beyond the reach of amendment. Her character will be fixed, and she will, at sixteen, be the most determined flirt that ever made herself and her family ridiculous. A flirt too, in the worst and meanest degree of flirtation; without any attraction beyond youth and a tolerable person; and from the ignorance and emptiness of her mind, wholly unable to ward off any portion of that universal contempt which her rage for admiration will excite."
-- From Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
Saturday, April 05, 2008
Covenantal Marriage
On speaking about marital problems, I have often heard my husband say, without apology: "It's always the husband's fault. Even when it's the wife's fault, it's the husband's fault."
How humbling it is to be married to a man who says things like this.
His point isn't to blame the man for everything (after all, he is one.) It's just that covenantally speaking, it is the man who is responsible before God for the condition of his marriage and his family. Eve ate the fruit, but God held Adam responsible for the Fall:
Obviously, this is not an excuse for the wife to sin. She is called to honor and submit to her husband, esteeming him above all, as the church does her Bridegroom Jesus. He is to be her king. She will have to answer for her failures to obey God.
But her failings, whether it seems fair or not, are also the burden of her husband. He is called to love her with a transforming love, regardless of her response to his love and regardless of whether she appears to change at all.
The promise is that this type of love will indeed sanctify her. In The Family: God's Weapon for Victory, author Robert Andrews says:
Certainly, the normal pattern is that a woman who is loved in a Christlike way does change noticeably--she adores her husband -- she can't help it. And his love changes her in a way that is readily apparent to everyone, especially to her husband and her own self. I have not personally known one case where a woman loved like this doesn't love God more because of her marriage and think her husband is the king.
God gave me a husband who loves me in this way, and I am completely different because of it. When we first got married and we would get into fights, I would think, "Uh-oh. Now he sees what I'm really like. He'll be repelled and leave." But he never did. I always remember one time after we had fought and worked it out and I was crying and I said something like that. He laughed and said, "Listen, I already know all your faults. I'm not going to suddenly say,'Geez, where did that come from.' I'm not going anywhere. I love you." And 16 years later, he still overlooks my flaws and makes the most of any good he sees in me. (Even more remarkable because he can be cynical and pessimistic about everything else.) I thank God for giving him the power to love me sacrificially, unconditionally and initially.
How humbling it is to be married to a man who says things like this.
His point isn't to blame the man for everything (after all, he is one.) It's just that covenantally speaking, it is the man who is responsible before God for the condition of his marriage and his family. Eve ate the fruit, but God held Adam responsible for the Fall:
Therefore, just as through one man sin entered into the world, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men, because all sinned-- for until the Law sin was in the world, but sin is not imputed when there is no law. Nevertheless death reigned from Adam until Moses, even over those who had not sinned in the likeness of the offense of Adam who is a type of Him who was to come. (Romans 5:12-14)As the man, Adam is the representative head of his family. While Eve is accountable before God for her own sin, Adam alone is accountable before God for both of their sins -- the sins of the marriage.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish." (Ephesians 5:25-27)
Obviously, this is not an excuse for the wife to sin. She is called to honor and submit to her husband, esteeming him above all, as the church does her Bridegroom Jesus. He is to be her king. She will have to answer for her failures to obey God.
But her failings, whether it seems fair or not, are also the burden of her husband. He is called to love her with a transforming love, regardless of her response to his love and regardless of whether she appears to change at all.
The promise is that this type of love will indeed sanctify her. In The Family: God's Weapon for Victory, author Robert Andrews says:
The Apostle Paul does promise all husbands that there will be results if we are faithful. Those results are not so much changes in her as they are changes for her. They are changes that reflect her progressive, ongoing salvation. In Ephesians 5: 26, Paul says that Jesus' sacrificial love for the church sanctified and cleansed it with the washing of water by the Word. To sanctify means to set apart. We have been set apart from the world by our eternal Bridegroom for Himself alone. The application to marriage is obvious. A woman who is loved in this way does not have a roving eye. She is not susceptible to advances by other men, for the powerful love of her husband has sanctified her, or set her apart from all others, just for himself alone. ... She is also cleansed by his love. He makes her feel important, though she may have always felt insignificant; beautiful, though she may have thought herself ugly; worthy, though she may have felt worthless; and clean, though because of her past, she may have felt dirty. ..... When a man loves his wife as Christ loved the church, he earns the privilege of presenting her to himself as a wife that is full of glory. The miracle of agape love is that the spots, wrinkles and blemishes, both emotional and physical, that were so important are gone. Maybe she won't change the habits that you find so unattractive. Maybe an outside observer will not be able to tell any difference in her character or how she acts, but it will no longer matter. If God supplies you with the power to love her with agape love, you will change, and you will see her as holy.Certainly, a man can find himself bound to a wife, who was, for example, damaged in childhood and now resists his biblical love. As long as she stays with him, the onus is on the husband to continue to love her. He is to love her as Christ loves the church; and Christ doesn't give up on the church. The Bible promises the wife will be sanctified by this kind of love, even if outward appearances do not seem back this up. (The Bible does not, however, promise she will stay. If she leaves him, that is a case where the Bible says clearly that he is to let her go and he is without blame -- provided that he has been loving her with a love that is sacrificial, unconditional and initial.)
Certainly, the normal pattern is that a woman who is loved in a Christlike way does change noticeably--she adores her husband -- she can't help it. And his love changes her in a way that is readily apparent to everyone, especially to her husband and her own self. I have not personally known one case where a woman loved like this doesn't love God more because of her marriage and think her husband is the king.
God gave me a husband who loves me in this way, and I am completely different because of it. When we first got married and we would get into fights, I would think, "Uh-oh. Now he sees what I'm really like. He'll be repelled and leave." But he never did. I always remember one time after we had fought and worked it out and I was crying and I said something like that. He laughed and said, "Listen, I already know all your faults. I'm not going to suddenly say,'Geez, where did that come from.' I'm not going anywhere. I love you." And 16 years later, he still overlooks my flaws and makes the most of any good he sees in me. (Even more remarkable because he can be cynical and pessimistic about everything else.) I thank God for giving him the power to love me sacrificially, unconditionally and initially.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Beyond the Warts of Wicked
My daughter loves musicals, of all kinds. She heard about the musical Wicked and had listened to the soundtrack many times, but we never could really figure out the story and knew only that it was a takeoff on the Wizard of Oz. We attended a performance of it in Fort Lauderdale and greatly enjoyed the twist -- the idea that when the whole story is revealed it turns out that the "Wicked Witch" was arguably neither wicked nor a witch, but more likely misunderstood and framed. The serious theme hidden in this silly play is that: those characterized by hypocrisy and shallowness and/or downright stupidity all appear righteous to the public, while the one who stands alone and won't compromise the truth is made to look ... wicked.
It is a reminder to be discerning in all things. Christians especially are prone to take people at face value. If someone seems "nice" then that is the measure of their Christianity. This play reminds us that "niceness" and "people-pleasing" often mask selfish ambition, self-exaltation and sheer evil. The Bible says that Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. The fruit of a life, the obedience to the Word of God, even at great cost to self and the risk of being misunderstood, is the measure of a person. Faith in Christ is the measure, shown by obedience to His Word. And often the obedient person is forced to not be so very "nice, " which confuses the simple Christian.
Don't get me wrong: there are many problems with this play. It certainly does not have a Christian worldview and children would not benefit from it. But those who have already acquired some foundation of biblical thinking, can view this production through their Christian lens and engage it in such a way as to gain from it, see Truths that glorify God and grieve over sins that are presented as sin.
The story follows two girls who meet at an Oz university: Galinda (known as Glinda in the original Oz movie) and Elphaba, (that scary green hag, who we find out was not moldy but was actually born with that emerald skin.) Galinda arrives at school, already having won the devotion of her classmates because of the quantity of her suitcases -- and the way she tosses her hair as she sits atop them. Elphaba is only at the school to help take care of her younger sister, who is confined to a wheelchair (born unable to walk because of milkflowers that her mother consumed during pregnancy in an attempt to prevent another green baby.)
Since Elphaba is not really considered a student, she has no room assignment -- and Galinda inadvertently offers to share her room. Rather than lose face and points with her friends by rescinding her accidental offer, Galinda vows to "rise above it" and go through with it. Intense feelings ensue, as revealed in the perky, upbeat "What Is This Feeling?" ( "What is this feeling/ so sudden and new,/I felt the moment I laid eyes on you? / Loathing. Unadulterated loathing...")
I loved this song. Intentionally or not, the piece shows the absurdity of the idea of love at first sight, that idea of Cupid drawing his bow and leaving the lovers uncontrollably attracted to each other. This tune perfectly mimics the format of a passionate love song -- except that it's all about clinging to and fanning intense feelings of hatred felt at first glimpse. Not even an unbeliever would think this song is actually prescribing "hate at first sight." Rather, it is poking fun at how immature that is -- and how misguided. And it naturally follows, if it is immature and misguided to let your emotions drive the train in hatred, it is immature and misguided to let your emotions drive the train in affection.
Anyway, in this case, these two who loathe each other do end up best friends. Of course, Galinda totally offends/amuses/disgusts Elphaba with her desire to remake her: "It's all about popular! /It's not about aptitude/ It's the way you're viewed/ So it's very shrewd to be/ Very very popular like me!"
Again, the play pokes fun at what Galinda sees as her strong point. She knows how to make people like her -- which can't be the what it's all about for those who love the Truth.
The plot advances as the schoolmistress discovers that Elphaba's unusual color is not her only oddity -- she seems to have some magical powers. (The magic in this play is easily recognizable as that of the fantasy/fairy tale genre, distinct from the occult-type rituals of Harry Potter.) In the schoolmistress' excitement, she gets the girl in to see the Wizard. Elphaba has a passion to do good with this magic and does begin to dream of winning approval (buying a bit into Galinda's advice.)
But it takes Elphaba no time at all to see that this wizard is nothing but a scheming phony, and she is enraged by this. She won't play their game, and disappears but Galinda cannot resist the draw of all this ... popularity.
Elphaba goes into hiding, and in one poignant song even questions whether her desire to do good was merely an attempt to get attention for herself. Here, she truly does appear wicked, as she allows her unrestrained frustration to boil over and wonders if any of her motives ever were pure, as she had thought they were. This is really an accurate picture of the sinful state of all men -- even our good deeds are tinged with sin. We just don't usually recognize that.
The powers-that-be scour Oz looking for her, terrified that she will spill the secret that the Wizard is powerless. All the while, they are spinning the story to discredit her, making her into the "Wicked Witch" with their wild lies. Incidentally, until this point in the story, Elphaba has never been referred to as a witch. Instead, this exotic green girl seems to be lumped with the magical fantasy creatures of Oz, like the talking goat-professor whose cause she takes up. The witch label comes only as a means to turn the people of Oz against her.
Those in power who are not just silly, self-exalters, but who are truly evil, decide to kill Elphaba's sister to draw Elphaba back to Munchkinland and trap her. (Thus, the accident involving a certain house from Kansas.) When Galinda finally sees the "nice" people as the murderers they are, she no longer wants to be part of their ploys and does all she can to do what is right. Granted, she is ignorant and guilty of glossing over falsehoods rather than seeking the Truth, but she is not truly evil.
I will not ruin the ending, except to say that Elphaba, seeing the corrupting influence of ambition and power (and experiencing it to some degree within her own self), makes a decision to escape from it, rather than to grasp it. The ending is unexpected and touching, and along the way, it is great fun to see the histories of the Oz characters tweaked and woven into this tale in unexpected ways.
When we got home from the show, Leah and I tried to tell all of the details to the boys, but they became lost or bored --I'm not sure which. So I won't belabor my point, which is this: We can take godly lessons from works that are quite secular by analyzing them with minds renewed by God and informed by the Bible. As Christians, we need to be able to recognize and relish themes of Truth, even when served to us by secular folks and with some very obvious "fishbones" to avoid swallowing.
It is a reminder to be discerning in all things. Christians especially are prone to take people at face value. If someone seems "nice" then that is the measure of their Christianity. This play reminds us that "niceness" and "people-pleasing" often mask selfish ambition, self-exaltation and sheer evil. The Bible says that Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. The fruit of a life, the obedience to the Word of God, even at great cost to self and the risk of being misunderstood, is the measure of a person. Faith in Christ is the measure, shown by obedience to His Word. And often the obedient person is forced to not be so very "nice, " which confuses the simple Christian.
Don't get me wrong: there are many problems with this play. It certainly does not have a Christian worldview and children would not benefit from it. But those who have already acquired some foundation of biblical thinking, can view this production through their Christian lens and engage it in such a way as to gain from it, see Truths that glorify God and grieve over sins that are presented as sin.
The story follows two girls who meet at an Oz university: Galinda (known as Glinda in the original Oz movie) and Elphaba, (that scary green hag, who we find out was not moldy but was actually born with that emerald skin.) Galinda arrives at school, already having won the devotion of her classmates because of the quantity of her suitcases -- and the way she tosses her hair as she sits atop them. Elphaba is only at the school to help take care of her younger sister, who is confined to a wheelchair (born unable to walk because of milkflowers that her mother consumed during pregnancy in an attempt to prevent another green baby.)
Since Elphaba is not really considered a student, she has no room assignment -- and Galinda inadvertently offers to share her room. Rather than lose face and points with her friends by rescinding her accidental offer, Galinda vows to "rise above it" and go through with it. Intense feelings ensue, as revealed in the perky, upbeat "What Is This Feeling?" ( "What is this feeling/ so sudden and new,/I felt the moment I laid eyes on you? / Loathing. Unadulterated loathing...")
I loved this song. Intentionally or not, the piece shows the absurdity of the idea of love at first sight, that idea of Cupid drawing his bow and leaving the lovers uncontrollably attracted to each other. This tune perfectly mimics the format of a passionate love song -- except that it's all about clinging to and fanning intense feelings of hatred felt at first glimpse. Not even an unbeliever would think this song is actually prescribing "hate at first sight." Rather, it is poking fun at how immature that is -- and how misguided. And it naturally follows, if it is immature and misguided to let your emotions drive the train in hatred, it is immature and misguided to let your emotions drive the train in affection.
Anyway, in this case, these two who loathe each other do end up best friends. Of course, Galinda totally offends/amuses/disgusts Elphaba with her desire to remake her: "It's all about popular! /It's not about aptitude/ It's the way you're viewed/ So it's very shrewd to be/ Very very popular like me!"
Again, the play pokes fun at what Galinda sees as her strong point. She knows how to make people like her -- which can't be the what it's all about for those who love the Truth.
The plot advances as the schoolmistress discovers that Elphaba's unusual color is not her only oddity -- she seems to have some magical powers. (The magic in this play is easily recognizable as that of the fantasy/fairy tale genre, distinct from the occult-type rituals of Harry Potter.) In the schoolmistress' excitement, she gets the girl in to see the Wizard. Elphaba has a passion to do good with this magic and does begin to dream of winning approval (buying a bit into Galinda's advice.)
But it takes Elphaba no time at all to see that this wizard is nothing but a scheming phony, and she is enraged by this. She won't play their game, and disappears but Galinda cannot resist the draw of all this ... popularity.
Elphaba goes into hiding, and in one poignant song even questions whether her desire to do good was merely an attempt to get attention for herself. Here, she truly does appear wicked, as she allows her unrestrained frustration to boil over and wonders if any of her motives ever were pure, as she had thought they were. This is really an accurate picture of the sinful state of all men -- even our good deeds are tinged with sin. We just don't usually recognize that.
The powers-that-be scour Oz looking for her, terrified that she will spill the secret that the Wizard is powerless. All the while, they are spinning the story to discredit her, making her into the "Wicked Witch" with their wild lies. Incidentally, until this point in the story, Elphaba has never been referred to as a witch. Instead, this exotic green girl seems to be lumped with the magical fantasy creatures of Oz, like the talking goat-professor whose cause she takes up. The witch label comes only as a means to turn the people of Oz against her.
Those in power who are not just silly, self-exalters, but who are truly evil, decide to kill Elphaba's sister to draw Elphaba back to Munchkinland and trap her. (Thus, the accident involving a certain house from Kansas.) When Galinda finally sees the "nice" people as the murderers they are, she no longer wants to be part of their ploys and does all she can to do what is right. Granted, she is ignorant and guilty of glossing over falsehoods rather than seeking the Truth, but she is not truly evil.
I will not ruin the ending, except to say that Elphaba, seeing the corrupting influence of ambition and power (and experiencing it to some degree within her own self), makes a decision to escape from it, rather than to grasp it. The ending is unexpected and touching, and along the way, it is great fun to see the histories of the Oz characters tweaked and woven into this tale in unexpected ways.
When we got home from the show, Leah and I tried to tell all of the details to the boys, but they became lost or bored --I'm not sure which. So I won't belabor my point, which is this: We can take godly lessons from works that are quite secular by analyzing them with minds renewed by God and informed by the Bible. As Christians, we need to be able to recognize and relish themes of Truth, even when served to us by secular folks and with some very obvious "fishbones" to avoid swallowing.
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